You know you’re a nurse if…
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year. Almost everything can seem humorous…eventually.
You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.
You wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.
You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.
Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if you say, "It’s unusually quiet around here today"
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you even knew before you started nursing.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you .
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult."
You’ve told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago’s water tank.
You find yourself checking out other customer’s veins in grocery waiting lines.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you’ll have to do CPR on your day off.
Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
You have seen more penises than any prostitute.
If you are not a nurse but know one, this is just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick sense of humor, fairly normally and very responsibly.